Week Fourteen: Apr 21-27: Live Through This: Pages163-224
A few comments about your posts from last week. Ahmad posted how difficult it is for him to write about himself. It can be and is for many people. And yet, in this class, that is what we have been practicing as we post. That, our lives, if we choose, can be art and artful. And, worth writing about. We can be the center of stories and art. That is something I don't think about much, because everything that I do in my teaching, art and writing is autobiographical. Ahmad also posted about self-censorship--and that is something I have noticed being in academe for 27 years--all of the self-censoring that automatically kicks in for me when writing and making art. That's why I enjoy this class. If you are an MAE, at some point, you will be writing an exhibition or project paper, where your life will be invited, even if you choose not to--it will appear. Often, students have to limit and edit back all of their personal info in their papers.
Halle posted about silence. Silences are everywhere in lives and contexts. It appears in odd ways: when something isn't talked about or something is missing. And, at times, it begs larger questions about what I/we know. What steps can we/I take to know something. And, what is knowable. And/Or, tellable. Susan posted about genders and abuse. Gender identities, trans, all hot topics currently. As an aside, violence and abuse runs across all gender/class/race lines in our culture. Susan posted and questioned about what if any connections might exist between abuse and lgbtq folk in terms of their identities; I would question whether there is a similar connection between straight folk and abuse and their identities? Just posing.
About projects. There have been questions about projects. Does anyone know if when uploading a video on YouTube if you have the choice of doing it privately? I know you will get an address and only those who have it can look at your video--I think--but I'm not sure. Anyone know?
More about the project. Yes, you could post your project on our class blog. You would just create a new post and from there can upload images (300K max size) and writing highlighting background info, diary info, or context info. I've suggested that you create your own blog and in a few weeks, give us your address so we can look at it. We will be leaving comments/posts on this site, not on your blog. But to answer Susan's post/question, yes, you can upload on this site.
Please keep in mind that schools, schooling and lives are always arenas of hope and struggle (William Ayers wrote that in On The Side of The Child). I also believe that about visual arts and performances. We struggle... Always great material for projects--all those doubts, struggles--and hope. We all get hurt and bruised as teachers and artists.It's real and it's not always friendly. Some quit. Some fade away. Some just stop caring or coming. It can be exhausting.
As we finish the last third of Live Through This, it occurs to me that as we read these last stories, it's really about writing our stories--what do we feel safe writing about? What is possible? Not possible? Doable? Not doable? In the essay, "Silent Body, Speaking Body," Anonymous beautifully describes her dilemma as a teacher--and maybe our dilemmas as people--what she can't say in words she hopes others will see or pick up in her work. So, as you comment on some of the readings, make sure you include yourself in your posts as much as you can. This research class was/is really about beginning to think about what is of most interest to us? To me? What am I interested in? Do I have the words to begin to explain what that is? If not, what are some words? And that is where the books came in--I hope, they helped show what others have tried to do. In the end, it falls back into our laps--what do we do? What will I do? What do I want to do--in terms of research--which means art or writing or performing or....
What questions remain or are you forming? Or addressing in your project?
This is from my friend Helen. Worth looking at:
http://greenarted.weebly.com/eco-artistsenvironmental-artists1.html
This is from my friend Helen. Worth looking at:
Our recent conversation about other eco art sources:
No More Crying by bell hooks . Soul murder...that concept is very deep. I am a bell hooks fan and have read many of her books. Her essay on terror and trauma is enlightening. bell hooks is worth googling. Any connections to students or yourself? Self-Portraits by Nan Goldin. Have any of you realized that you can do an essay like this and have it count? Photos with poetry or one liners. Powerful visually.
ReplyDeleteThis article really hit home for me on a deeply emotional level. I have spent a good deal of my life crying and upset, at all stages of life, I remember being sad and crying. When I was little, my father was an angry yelling scary monster. When I was in my tweens, my mother drank and I cried because like bell hooks, I was a big reader as well, and I longed to have a family life like the ones I read about in books, i.e. Little Women, Nancy Drew, etc. In my teens, I cried over men, in my twenties, the same thing. In my thirties, I had a son on my own and cried over the abuse his father dished out on me. I went to school, worked and tried to raise my son on my own.
DeleteI'm ashamed to say that there were times when my boy was little that I was too stressed and angry to listen to my son cry, more than once I also said to him, I'll give you something to cry about.
My son paid me back in spades during his teen years with acting out, talking back and being disrespectful towards me. He doesn't talk to me much at all anymore despite the many times I have tried to repair our relationship. Now I have something new to cry about...
All parents make mistakes. Life is pretty much one big cry.
Mary, I'm sorry to hear that. You're not the only one. I have a friend (she is like a sweet mother to me)who is going through the fact her daughter cut her off, stopped speaking to her, I guess just fall off the planet (metaphor speaking)...It started when the mother got the divorce...she tried to explained to her daughter that sometime people fall out of love and they did tried really hard to have a second chance at love, but it didn't work. The daughter didn't believe it at all and left for good. No snail mail, no social media, no phone contact, nothing... The mother cried and prayed to God to hope for her daughter to come back and all will be forgiven. It has been years that the mother and daughter have not speak to each other at all...even the daughter doesn't speak to the whole family of her (is that crazy?) I was mad at the daughter for her immaturity and her perspective is wrong. What can I do about that? That frighten me if I ever have children...I'll be freaking out!
DeleteOn pg. 197, there is a paragraph start with "Many hurt children lose the capacity to feel..." I remember saying the part "if only I were dead, the pain would end, there would be no more suffering, no more crying." (Hooks, pg. 197) Over and over in lot of time in different places, I just want to die or just take off somewhere- just to end my suffering. I have been struggling for 8 years until last year, I found the light to break out from the dark place. I'm not sure what it is that I am finally content/happy...but there is one thing I learned is that I do have chronic depression disorder. It just comes and goes whenever and I have no control over it except medication which I refused to take. I refused to see psych because I felt like I'm talking to a wall. So I just happen to fall back into art and suddenly, I'm healed, I guess. Maybe being in the eggshell for too long can be difficult to understand its own identity by parents or grandparents. Maybe you/I haven't been given a chance to understand our own identity because we got so caught up, molding by parents or grandparents, to do this or that. Controlled. Almost Perfect. Educated. Maybe it is the way it is. Maybe you/I let them and now you/I am on my own.
DeleteWhoever is going through the dark phase and need to get out to see the light, he or she just need to find something he or she loves to do out of passion. For some reason, it works. If it doesn't work, find something else.
I find this interesting because it makes me want to write as in art of writing...expressing.
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DeleteNo more crying - I have a friend who was tormented by her parents--mostly by her step-mother. Thankfully they told her they would either send her to a boarding school or she had to go live with her grandmother. She chose to live with her grandmother and I believe that is why she is alive today. That reminds me, I need to give her a call.
DeleteI remember crying a lot when I was little, and I see myself in pictures where the whole family is happy and I'm crying. I've been called a cry baby or whiner. But as the 8th child of 8 children, the baby, I had NO POWER whatsoever. The only chance for me to affect change was to whine my way into getting someone to listen to me, or cry when they went and did whatever they were going to do that I had no choice in. I think it is so important to not make the youngest child just become complacent with tagging along and not having a voice. It has made it impossible for me to make decisions in my adult life, and picking a career path was an absolute disaster. I had only the opportunity to select something. No one really cared to help me pick because I am not sure I mattered much, and I would always float ideas along to get other's approval that I had made a good choice. This is the true tragedy of being the youngest of a big family. It's as if everyone gets their power from knowing that I am the most powerless. And controlling me made them stronger. Even now I cannot make a suggestion for my parent's care that anyone will listen to or take seriously. I am the most educated one in the family but because I am still the youngest person that no one listens to, no one listens to me...even now. They are stuck in a cycle of not being able to see the forest for the trees, and I am stuck there when it comes to making decisions for myself, by myself, for my future. I mean, I would like to think that I have finally overcome this, but I have to acknowledge that I've done a lot of living for other people and having jobs that just worked, because I could not "see" or "believe" what was really in me that I really wanted to do. It's hard to WANT anything when you never really get anything you want....you stop asking and you stop seeking and you believe that you cannot change the world to be better for you or to make decisions that impact you favorably....powerless.
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DeleteSilent Body, Speaking Body by Anonymous. This essay moved me--especially the connection between student and teacher. Anonymous captures our "ethical" dilemmas or walls as teachers. "I want to tell her how much I know about cutting" (p. 200). What could teaching and art be like if we told the truth? Art as Prayer by Kate Bornstein . Kate is one of my heroes. And in this essay she reveals the difficulties of living her dream--changing her sex--and the nightmares that haunt her. Live Through That by Eileen Myles Brushing. What do I live through?
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DeleteTruth is hard when it comes to teaching and art. I find it very difficult at Tech to be truthful about how I feel, or to say what I want to say, or to express myself fully. People seem to be very conservative here, they are easily offended and super sensitive to everything. I once said the word porn in a discussion with a friend about why I love art so much, "it is like porn to me" I said. She got very quiet and hasn't really talked to me since. I have had trouble finding a tribe of people to fit in with. This doesn't seem like an art school to me, like the way my friends were in Maine, all LGBT friends. I miss our lightheartedness, our nights out on the town, our easiness around each other. It feels very cookie cutter here to me. I am sorry if that makes people upset that I say that. I like the people here, they're very friendly, I just don't feel there's much diversity and I miss it.
DeleteHaving said all that, I identified with this author. I know of students that cut. I look but don't say anything. What I try to do is impress upon them their power, their brilliance, their right to be alive and to enjoy life. I hope they find strength to stop hurting themselves, I think art is the way for many.
Mary, I'm with you. I did have a difficulty at making friends at Texas Tech University, Baylor University, Angelo State University, and Howard College. Don't get me wrong...the programs and the campus are excellent....the diversity might be it or is it stereotypes that is so like high school? Or is it the way the community feels? I know that I cannot connect to any strangers because I just feel like there's label everywhere...conservative, liberal, middle, or hippie, or roper. I just couldn't get it. Maybe I'm too intimidating or too straight-forward for them too much to handle. It takes time to find rare, special kind of friends who accept and understand for who you are. I know it. It is everywhere. They are hidden in secret spot. Follow its heart to find them. :)
DeleteHallee, you may have found the secret spot in this class. I feel the same way you do! I find it to be difficult to find married friends. I would like for my husband and I to go out with another couple close in age, but it's really difficult to find couples like us. We don't care about money or the nice house and I run around dressed like a hippie. When things slow down, I'll put on nicer clothes. For now, I'm too busy! Status isn't what I'm all about. Regardless, I'm happy around genuine, straight-forward, and thinking people.
DeleteI understand why you can't tell your personal story to a student, but it's sad all the same. I like how Anonymous, the dancer, teacher, and choreographer tells her story to her students "in ways beyond words (pg 211)."
DeleteKate Bornstein - I don't understand why people cannot accept other people for who they are. I think I've said that before; however, I wanted to say it again.
DeleteI really identified with the Art As Prayer. I've struggled with identity even though it was not a sexual identity. I never felt like I didn't belong in my own skin, I just wasn't sure what I wanted to do, and I spent too long trying to have others tell me what I was supposed to do.I have, however, always kept a journal, and in my journal I would write what I was thinking and feeling and it gave me peace and a relief. I didn't have to have the answers or figure anything out, but the acknowledgement of the struggle or the problem is the first step to healing. My art always brought me to myself. And interestingly enough, my art is themed as spiritual growth themes, and I feel so peaceful to create something that to me is spiritually renewing or moving, or even something that serves as a reminder. And always, in planning my grand schemes, and coming up with book ideas or ideas for artwork, I feel I am in an active prayer, and that I open myself to suggestions and they come in. I have to be in a reflective, prayerful state to receieve them or notice a good idea when it lands on my head.
DeleteThe story “Silent Body, Speaking Body” is very shocking, I really can’t imagine that how could her mom disregard such a terrible issue. Also, I like her emphasis on the differences between the two lives; internal and external. I think for most people there are serious contradictions between these two spaces. And it is crucial to resolving the conflicts. The way that the author has solved her problem revealed the importance of Art (dance) in reducing the tribulations of life.
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DeleteAny other insights or comments about this section of readings or the book as a whole?
ReplyDeleteLive Through This has this kind of draw that brings you in and see in their perspective. It does have some kind of effect that can affect us wanting to write in a way we/I understand as in a way the audience understand? It is very visual for me while reading the book and I want to pursue in writing for art. I'm not sure how to start or something can motivate me from start to finish. But I could use this book as a teacher if I ever see a student who might be in a situation and I do hope to help to transform into art to heal if that's possible. We'll see.
DeleteI think the real value in this book is that the writers have been able to express their feelings/ inadequacies/fears and I think for many people, including myself, we might know that something is askew but we may not be able to define that thing...perhaps because it is something 'normal" people do not talk about. The graphic that I think depicts many of the stories in the book, or perhaps just those that are important to me because I, like all readers, am looking at things through my own filter, is the one on page 216 by Kate Bornstein, in which she had created " a pretty heavy-handed way to express anxiety that accompanied the denial of self, but NO ONE FUCKING GOT IT." (her capitalization) I think, as art teachers, and teachers in general, students will express deeply held secrets, in just a safe enough fashion to start a dialog with us focused on healing and advice. I think we have a responsibility to ask and inquire and just leave the door open, like "I see you" as the blue chick in Avatar says. I spent so long not being able to "see" what was holding me back in my own life, and seeking relationships with people that were comfortable, because they too held me back. We need other people, and we need their input. It just makes my heart feel so good when a student actually expresses what a positive impact I have made on her/him, and thanks me for my time. This is, after all, the reason I teach. But what about those kids who cannot express or do not have words or feel awkward? It is no less important because they never tell you, and plenty of those students are out there. It takes a confident kid to come up and actually express gratitude to a teacher. So, this might be a long winded way of saying that all of these realities in this book are so necessary, if even we can just point to someone's story and have a kid read it to see how that person figured it out. It would be nice if we didn't have to worry about sharing such information with our students but we can really suggest a good read.
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DeleteProject updates?
ReplyDeleteI researched on YouTube about the whole public and private....it has this setting where I can control public or private and manage to allow to invite people to view the video in privately. So I will give it a try by this weekend and see what happen.
DeleteMy "Happening" is scheduled for tomorrow from 10:15 to noon. My brochure is posted on my blog now. I made a list and I'm checking it twice!
DeletePaper
Matte Board
Brayers
Pallet
Ink
Painters Tape
Gloves
Large Masonite Board
Snacks
Brochures
Paper Towels
Plexiglass
Snacks
I don't need a pallet (I have pallets on the brain) tomorrow!
DeleteI think I have everything I need now.
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DeleteAbout the project
ReplyDeleteVideo games have incredible impacts on children. Also, teachers and parents can use video games to engage students in the process of learning, and improve their skills and imaginations. Besides, these positive potentialities, video games can also negatively influence the children’s social behaviors.
In contrast to other educational tools, games are universal and easily penetrate into different societies and cultures. It doesn’t matter who is the player or if s/he lives in Tibet or Chicago. However, I don’t believe that they have the same impact on all users.
The question is why do companies produce video games? Is everything about the money or there are other philosophies behind the games?
Mark Griffiths, Director of the International Gaming Research, says: “one of the main concerns that has constantly been raised against video games is that most of the games feature aggressive elements.” http://ac.els-cdn.com He also mentions that the children who play violent games tend to imitate what they see on screen.
In my project, I wanted to reveal the direct relation between violence and climate change. It shows that human can’t exist if annihilates other creatures.
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ReplyDeleteMy blog about the healthful and earth healing benefits of an organic vegan diet has been coming along. I haven't posted a lot of different meals because I often find myself returning to a few favorite recipes, and also, a new friend of mine enjoys sushi so he has been taking me out to eat a lot. I get the veggie sushi, it's good.
ReplyDeleteI am also writing about different health concerns that I have addressed with my vegan diet including depression, anxiety, head aches, exhaustion, PMS and menopausal symptoms, though I am caveating everything I write so no one takes my advice without talking to a doctor.
One more area that I'd like to explore a little more before the end of the semester in my blog is the issue of genetically modified foods in terms of what the cost and benefits are of GMOs. Also I'd like to examine what they are exactly more closely. I have heard an article about GMOs and small seed companies and the impact it is having financially on small seed growers. Of course it is terrible, the small seed companies are going the way of the small farmer... bought out and pushed out by huge conglomerates.. anyway, I am looking into this aspect as well. I am also researching whether or not there's an actual conspiracy to keep people from planting their own food and from keeping their own heirloom seeds..I'd like to investigate this issue further as well...other issues: preservatives in school lunches that mimic and worsen the symptoms of ADD. :(
Mary, this is from my daughter:
DeleteLiver damage/fatty liver.
Every time we eat at a restaurant you can guarantee your meal is loaded with PUFA from cheap restaurant/commercial cooking and frying oils.
http://paleoleap.com/many-dangers-of-excess-pufa-consumption/
I said, great. Another food hurdle!
Mary, I love bubble tea, but I really shouldn't have all that sugar and the tapioca pearls in the bottom? I doubt if I should have them. I do, however, make Spinach shakes in my Vitamix every morning for breakfast, and have for some time. I take tea, blend in more than 2 cups of spinach ( a giant handful) and then I put in unsweetened cocoa powder, Stevia, honey and some coconut cream. Tastes just like a bubble tea and I love it! One of the cleaning ladies at my work saw the awfully dark green brown drink (looks like poop) and asked.She had just gotten a call from her doctor to eat better. I made her one of my bubble teas now she and the other cleaning lady are hooked. So each morning, I blend up two big mason jars of this chocolate bubble tea (minus the tapioca) and we drink to our health. It's fun to help someone else along on the path to healthy eating.
DeleteI am still trying to finish my pallets! Tomorrow is my "Happening" in the SOA Courtyard. Mary says she will help out and I have another artist friend coming. Thanks Mary! Anyone else want to join in? I will post the brochure on my blog spot, so take a look!
ReplyDeleteI just uploaded my first video of the final project to my website. Since the size of the video was too large, I reduced its resolution. Still I am working on the next part of it, and I hope I can finish it until the next week. I would love to hear your ideas and anything that helps me to improve my project. The address is
ReplyDeletewww.ahmadrafiei.com/#!eco-project/dpf1h
I am going to post my blog project here, not because I am finished, because I am not, but because I want to make sure I am getting this blog thing right and you all are able to open the link. Please, if you have a minute, check this link and see if you see a blog post with pics of my son's bedroom being turned into an art and sewing space. I just want to make sure I am "cookin' with gas!"
ReplyDeletehttp://susyroberts.blogspot.com/?zx=54a5d575cd56b07d
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